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Get another girl to marry you

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Editor's Note: Every Monday, Lori Gottlieb answers questions from readers about their problems, big and small. Have a question? Email her at dear. Months ago, on a business trip, a female co-worker and I attempted to meet up with others for drinks, but when everyone else bailed, we decided to still go out. After multiple rounds of drinks, barhopping, and great conversation, I realized we had an intense connection.

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SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: JIMMY SOUL-"IF YOU WANNA BE HAPPY"(LYRICS)

Dear Therapist: I’m Considering Leaving My Wife for My Co-worker

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Editor's Note: Every Monday, Lori Gottlieb answers questions from readers about their problems, big and small. Have a question? Email her at dear. Months ago, on a business trip, a female co-worker and I attempted to meet up with others for drinks, but when everyone else bailed, we decided to still go out. After multiple rounds of drinks, barhopping, and great conversation, I realized we had an intense connection.

After the business trip, we continued to talk and meet up for drinks. The feelings got stronger and I shared information with her that I had never told anyone. I felt I could be my genuine self with her, which is a feeling that I have not had in a long time.

The way she looks at me still gives me chills as I write this. Great, right? With a daughter. And another baby on the way. My co-worker is single with no kids.

I have never been truly happy in my marriage. Yes, there were times when I was happy, but not truly happy. I compare my marriage to vanilla ice cream. I was content in my marriage. I have a good life, good job, nice house, and all the things that come with that. Eventually, my wife found out about this, but she still wants to work on our marriage. That, combined with the lack of intimacy in our relationship, makes me wonder if I would be happier with a divorce.

I still love my wife, but I am just not in love with her. There is no more spark. I feel much better when I am actually heard, but the resulting fights are frustrating because they are fruitless.

So I am left wondering: Do I stay in a mediocre marriage for the kids, or do I leave for my own interest? When I look down either road, I can see only fear and regret. Any advice? Experiencing such an intense mutual connection feels wonderful, and your task now is to understand the nature of it better. You say the spark is no longer in your marriage and on a positive note, you remember the spark , but many parents entrenched in the day-to-day with infants or toddlers feel this way, and seek out, either in fantasy or reality, a welcome escape from the sometimes mundane, roommate-like existence that couples can fall into during this phase of life.

Communication issues can lead to a person feeling emotionally unavailable, and many people who feel that way come alive in the presence of a shiny new potential partner. Another thing for you to consider as you go through this process is that no one else can tell you what to do.

This is especially important because, as you tell it, your earlier decision to get back together with your now-wife was influenced, at least in part, by the opinions of family and friends. Nobody—not your wife, not a new partner, not your daughter—can fill that hole for you, even if it seems like your co-worker is doing so in the moment.

If you were to leave now, you would be the single father of a young child and a newborn, with a girlfriend who may not have an interest in raising these children with you—changing diapers, waking up several times a night, spending time at baby birthday parties and the pediatrician and the park. Moreover, if you two eventually have children together, you may find yourself five or 10 years from now wondering how you ended up in the same situation once again: content, but with decreased intimacy, increased tension, and a nagging sense that Mocha Almond Fudge is an even better flavor of ice cream than Rocky Road.

How open are you to her true self? How much empathy do you have for her experience of the marriage and what her wants and needs are? Only then will you be able to make a decision not out of guilt or confusion or quiet desperation, but out of a grounded place of knowing.

Dear Therapist is for informational purposes only, does not constitute medical advice, and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

Always seek the advice of your physician, mental-health professional, or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.

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Dear Therapist: I’m Considering Leaving My Wife for My Co-worker

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Comments: 3
  1. Vutaxe

    I apologise, I can help nothing. I think, you will find the correct decision.

  2. Kagazragore

    It was my error.

  3. Shakarr

    You have hit the mark. In it something is also to me your idea is pleasant. I suggest to take out for the general discussion.

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